The Theory of Waiting

What is waiting? Barthes talked about waiting in his book a lovers discourse (1978) which is a crucial yet painful part in love and relationships. According to Barthes, you can wait for an arrival, a return, a promised sign. Anxiety is provoked by the process of waiting for the love being, it could be a letter, a phone call or a return. He described the process of waiting as an act. He gives an example: When you are waiting at a café, looking at the time and your mind started to go crazy when the person haven't turned up. You ask questions like “Was there a misunderstanding of the place, or the time?” “Should I try another café or call that person?” and what if the other comes when I tried to get to another café? Will the other leave because of not seeing me? This is act I. How about act II? You started to feel angry and move on to act III, a pure state of anxiety. Waiting is an enchantment because you received orders not to move. You can spend your whole afternoon in front of the telephone and do not move. Anxiety and more anxiety, back to the example of the café, you became alert when everyone comes into the café, you expect that person to be her/him. Also, the moment that you are waiting is not real, you started to question yourself if she/he is coming or is this hallucination only.

Case Study (My own example)

I hate waiting because the level of anxiety is way too high! And I had a lot of experience of waiting. Let's talk about coming to here for my exchange studies. I can show you a list here!

1. Applying for exchange studies in my home uni (waiting for interview)

2. Interview (waiting for the result)

3. Got an offer and apply for La Trobe Uni (waiting for offer letter from La Trobe)

4. Apply for Visa (waiting again for eCOE from La Trobe)

5. Half way through the Visa (waiting for the result from medical check)

6. Finished all procedures for a visa (wait for the result)

7. Buy air ticket (wait for March to come)

I can go on with the list, what I am trying to show is waiting is everywhere. Even with technology in 21st century, it doesn't make waiting pleasurable. I agreed with Barthes, waiting is about anxiety. I questioned myself most of the time during the above process. I didn't get a reply from La Trobe fast enough to make me feel secure. I asked myself "Maybe I am not good enough? What should I do if they reject me?" "What if I don't have a visa?" 

This Easter, I remember I was picking my brother and mother up at the airport. They come here for a week to travel. I waited for a long time and I still don't see them at the arrival hall. I asked myself "What happened to them?" The plane was delayed but it's already an hour. "Do they get interrogated because they are from Hong Kong because the customs are really racist?" "Why does it take so long when they can speak perfect English?" Lots and lots of questions go through my mind, I got worried and burst into tears. Later I found out there are a lot of people waiting in the queue, that's why it takes so long.

Sorry for long text about myself, still remember the movie "He's just not that into you" mentioned in the lecture? Here's another clip! Comes back to the question of waiting and also hegemonic masculinity. Why a guy should call and a girl should wait? It's like girls always suffer from the game of waiting, or should girls make their own decision finally?

From AskMen.com, a free online men’s web portal. The article entitled Top 10: Mind Games Women Play tells guys how to deal with the waiting game. Girls do not want to appear clingy and may not return to you with a call. What guys should do is call her back to make sure she received the message, but after this, wait for her to call back. If not, she is just not that into you. It is funny how guys react to the waiting game because usually they are not the one to wait in dating.

Meanwhile in LovePanky.com, a website for girls' advice in dating, love and relationships. Another article called How to play hard to get tells girls what to do to play hard to get. It states the reason why playing hard to get works for men. One of the reasons is men like to take on challenges and they feel like achieving something when the girl is hard to get. This also get back to point of hegemonic masculinity and also why girls have to do something to please the male creatures?

From the blog She Versus He, the blogger asked when you finally meet someone. Do you give them your number first? Do you ask for theirs? Should you wait for them to ask you for yours or should you just exchange numbers? And it depends if you are really into that person and of course try to understand if "he's just not that into you"

In Audi Prom Commercial 2013, the boy seemed to gain power and status when his dad give him the Audi car to drive to the prom. He kissed the prom queen and drive away with the Audi.He look confident just like he won the dating game! At the end of the commercial "Bravery it's what defines us" reinforces guys should be tough and get what they want.

Next week, let's talk about masculinity in sports!